One step closer

I'm taking the next step. I don't know the destination but I know that I'll never get there without moving forward.

Last week while I was in PA, I finally met face-to-face with Lisa (the lady who I have been talking with about overseas missions). Over a Philly cheesesteak, I shared a few things that I'd been processing through over the last month. The last time that we talked, I had begun to notice that I was leaning on Lisa to tell me what the next step would be and I felt God asking me to wait on His direction instead. In God's perfect timing, right before I asked Lisa what she thought the next step would be, her phone battery died. (I know God was laughing with me when I closed my phone.) Anyway, the next week at church, our pastor was talking about searching every room in our heart to make sure that God would be able to call it "home." As he was saying this, I knew that my next step would be a spiritual one. Throughout the last month, I've been in a desert where I have been humbled in the most painful and beautiful ways. When we open up our lives and allow God to show us where we need Him, He is definitely delighted to show us. (Now I'm praying that God would show me those areas gently.) And most of all, I thank God that He didn't allow me to go any further in this process without showing me how greatly I need Him.

Also during this month, I've been amazed to see how I've felt a tug on the heartstrings when it comes to certain passions in my life. One example would be children. I've never considered myself to be someone that oohs and aahs over every little child I see. But after looking through pictures of the children I worked with in East Asia and watching a video of children in Africa, I started to get a glimpse of God's heart for children and how I could play a part. Another example was shown to me through my church and my times in the Word. I have a burden for the Church. I long for people to know God's truth through the establishment churches. This has never been something that I've felt this passionate about until recently but I told my mom that I could see myself planting churches someday - something I honestly had never thought about.

After I shared all of this with Lisa, I felt free to ask what the next logistical step may be. She told me a little more about CrossWorld's vision (which happens to be focused on church planting) as well as what the process of going overseas with them would be. This is where I begun to get fearful. Why? Because in the back of my mind I know that each step closer to actually getting on a plane to go overseas long-term is one step closer to saying goodbye. But I can't deny the fact that God's hand has been so incredibly visible throughout all my conversations with Lisa and each of my personal times in the Word over the last few months. When we got back from dinner, I was given a two inch stack of papers regarding everything from what CrossWorld believes to what my role could to health and retirement plans. Needless to say, I was up long into the night reading. But she suggested that I consider starting the application process since their training weeks only come along twice a year and one of them is only a couple months away.

So, I'm taking the next step. But I need your prayers. There are a few timing issues that need to be worked out. I was reading that same night in Matthew where Jesus said to a fig tree that wasn't bearing fruit "Let no fruit grow on you ever again" and it immediately withered away. The next few verses that followed have become a great source of comfort for me:

"Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast in the sea,' it will be done. And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." (Matthew 21:21-22, NKJV)

God can work out the timing. Also, pray for courage. Like I briefly mentioned at the beginning, I don't know the destination of this journey. My hot-air balloon is only moved by the direction in which God determined the wind to blow. And since I'm only in control of whether this balloon is firmly planted on the ground or in the air, I'm asking for Him to fill me and give me peace no matter where I'm directed.