11.09.2008

Billy: The Untold Story of a Young Billy Graham

"Billy" by William Paul McKay & Ken Abraham is a biography about Billy Graham and I was expecting just that, a boring biography. I was completely mistaken. Though the book did a great job of retelling a series of life-altering moments in Billy's life, I was not expecting such a dramatic novelistic approach.

The book begins with Charles Templeton, one of Billy Graham's best friends, who is being interviewed by a lady named Deborah who's looking for any dirt she can find on Billy in order to boost her career as a journalist. Right off the bat, Templeton makes it known that there is absolutely no dirt to be found when it comes to Billy Graham. "He's the genuine article. He actually believe all that stuff he preaches," as Templeton says it. But as you continue on, you begin to see that while Templeton who has left his beliefs in Christianity long ago, he deeply admires Billy even though he often makes comments that he has "committed intellectual suicide."

Templeton takes us through many events in Billy's life such as the moment he began to believe in Christ to the dark woods when he was filled with doubts about his faith and on the verge of giving up. As we make this journey through Billy's life, we are also given a glimpse into the life of Charles Templeton and how he began to doubt his beliefs in Christianity which eventually lead him to leaving his ministry to pursue a degree and declaring himself agnostic.

It was Templeton's doubts in God that brought Billy to that tree stump in the middle of the woods in CA one dark night. In those moments, Billy was on his knees before God pleading for answers. "Oh God, there are many things in [the Bible] that I don't understand. There are questions in this book that I just can't answer. There are some areas that don't seem to correlate with modern science. So give me something. Anything! Where are you?" Then Billy remembered his mother reminding him that Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you. Billy looked back at his Bible and declared, "You said in Your Word that the just shall live by faith," and he never looked back. Billy knew in that moment that he would believe in faith that in the Bible was the truly inspired Word of God. It was after this test of faith that Billy Graham's ministry grew into what we all know of today.

I would definitely recommend this book anyone who has had doubts about their faith. As Billy says early on in his life, it is okay to question. It's those questions that will lead you to the Truth if you choose to pursue it.

I promise I'll start blogging again....

So I've been really bad about blogging for the past.....well, almost a year. But I've just joined a blogging review program through Thomas Nelson. (http://brb.thomasnelson.com/) All you have to do is sign up with your blog address, pick a book that you would like to review and then review it. Basically, I'm getting to read and share my opinion for free!!! I love it! Anyway, this will help me to start blogging more and hopefully get my creative juices flowing again.

Sorry it's been so long!

8.06.2008

Part 3: The source of my joy

Hello Friends!! It's me again!

This time I'm writing you with a few answers to what has been going on with my vision. But more than just answers, I'm writing with great joy! While I still haven't seen a complete improvement in my sight, my doctor said last week that he believes I will see much more improvement over the next 6 months. I'm sure some of you are asking this question: Why so much joy if there is still such a long time to wait? I can't really explain why other than that God has been so close to me during this time and I'm completely content (right now) with just that.

So here are the details of my visit with the neurologist last week: I got a chance to look at my MRI which did show 2 white cell legions on my brain. The doctor explained that these legions are more than 2 months old and are no longer active. This is good news. He also explained that I may never have even noticed when those first two legions happened. He asked if I had ever noticed any other sort of odd things such as tingling in my hands that would go away after a couple days or numbness below the waits. Since I haven't had any of these things, he concluded that I have experiences a Clinically Isolated Syndrome (CIS) of Optic Neuritis. This where the patient will have a one time occurence and might never experience it again. Then the doctor started to inform me about a couple studies that have been done on patients with Optic Neuritis and CIS. This is what he said:

Patients with Optic Neuritis w/ No legions on their brain were tracked over 10 years and 38% developed MS.
Patients with Optic Neuritis w/ 1 legion on their brain were tracked over 10 years and 56% developed MS.
Patients with a CIS were tracked over 14 years and 85% developed MS.

Now I know these statistics are not encouraging at all. But what the doctor did say is that he would like to see me in at least 6 months for another MRI to see if there are any more legions. He also mentioned that I have the option of taking MS drugs as a type of preventative action but I've decided against it since they can be up to $14k a year. I will continue to work with him as I move forward and keep having him monitor how things are developing.

But what is the real message I cling to and the true source of my joy? God is so much bigger than these statistics. And I don't need to worry about 10-14 years from now. If I do, I will miss all the blessing for today and I would hate miss out on those. My joy rests in the fact that God is truly in control and I won't need to worry about a thing.

Thanks again for all your prayers!

7.21.2008

Part 2

"So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God...."

Since I finished my last dose of Prednisone, I haven't seen much improvement in my vision. There is still a cloudiness that blocks everything in my direct line of sight but the doctor was still hopeful given that I had seen such an improvement during those first 2 weeks. On Friday morning, I noticed that the vision was getting worse again -- I was seeing the same cloudiness in the top part of my vision as well as feeling a sharp pain when I looked up, down or to the sides. So this morning I went in to see the ophthalmologist and after consulting with the neurologist that I'm seeing next week, they decided to give me three more doses of Solu-Medrol and a tapering dosage of Prednisone for 6 days following. I just got home from my first of three treatments -- there were some pretty good cooking shows on to keep my attention for the 2 1/2 hours.

I'd be lying if I said that I'm not scared. I am. I guess at this point I'm just trying really hard to take it easy. I was probably pushing myself too hard to get back into my regular routine. Patience....it's hard.

"...I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

While I was sitting in the waiting room this morning, there was a father with his six year old son who must have been having some problems with his left eye. He was trying to play in the waiting room but he was having to use his hang to cover up his eye in order to see what he was doing. After some frustration at his inabilities, he went over to his daddy, climbed up onto his lap and curled up into a ball before falling asleep. As I watched this boy seek out the comfort of his father, I was reminded that my heavenly Father is doing the same for me right now. So today I'm climbing back into his arms -- a place where I can find rest as I set aside the schedule I wish I could keep, comfort from all the "what ifs" of going through all this again and healing that only the Great Physician can provide.

Thank you for all your prayers. I couldn't make it through this without them. This time has been especially hard since I had hoped to be further along at this point.

Part 1 of what has been happening with me since my last post.

Some of you have heard through the grapevine that I've been sick and other may have not but I wanted to give you all an update on what has been going on with me. All of this has happened in the last 4 days so I apologize that I haven't been able to followup with everyone personally.

A couple days ago, I started to lose sight in my right eye and went to visit my eye doctor who refered me to an ophthalmologist who wanted to run an MRI to make sure that there wasn't something wrong with my nerves or my brain. You can imagine how scared I felt when he started talking about my brain. Anyway, I had an MRI today and below I have attached an email that my father sent out that explains all the results.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. Surprisingly, I'm doing quite well and am still able to find the humor in some of this. Last night I was meditating on the verse below and the translation I was meditating on said "and He will make your paths straight". The first thought that went through my head was "Thank goodness he is making this path straight because without my right eye I'd be running into walls otherwise." But seriously, I'm being challenged to trust Him in huge ways and I've been amazed at how He has been faithful to me.

Thanks again for your continued prayers and that I can get through the next 10 days smoothly and maybe gain a few muscles along the way :-)
(6/25/08)

===================================================

Sorry that it's been a little while since I've sent out an update but a little later is better than never, right? This past weekend, I finished my last dose of Solu Medrol and I've begun to see some improvement already. Although I will miss having access to cable TV at the hospital, it is nice to not have to make that trip every day. With each day, I have seen slight improvements in my right eye. For the last couple of days, I have been seeing shadows in the lower portion of my right eye. I'm thrilled that my vision is coming back so quickly but I didn't expect it to be as tough as it has been. With my vision only partially back, most things on my right side of very blury and my right eye is trying very hard to focus which has been causing me quite a few headaches. Hopefully these headaches will lessen as my vision improves but please continue to pray that I would remain patient during this process.

Today is my second day on Prednisone and I have been feeling pretty good. I'm so thankful that I haven't had many of the side effects (knock on wood) which has made this time much easier. Please continue to pray that I won't have many side effects from the drugs (increased appetite, mood changes and trouble sleeping) so that I will be able to get back into the normal routine of life. Although I'm still not driving yet, I've had many friends as well as my mom help me out in many ways. I'm so humbled by this process and have been amazed -- this is how the body of Christ was designed to function. God is so good!

It's so crazy to me to think that only a week ago this journey was just beginning. And now I sit here at my desk full of gratitude for the things that I've been given and even the things that have been taken away. With the loss of my sight, God has opened my eyes to a new understand of how He provides for me at just the right moments and in just the right ways. He has shown me areas where I wasn't giving Him everything and has allowed me to lean more heavily on Him in the process of letting those things go. I'm eager to see again and what a glorious day that will be! But in the meantime, God is being very faithful.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and emails. They have been very encouraging to me and my entire family.
(6/30/08)

1.25.2008

it's what's in the eyes


I see warmth, compassion and an innate ability to give of himself.
Is he smiling? I think so. But not out of laughter - out of joy.
What strains were put on this man to give him the deep lines in his forehead? I want to hear the stories that those eyes long to tell.

Has he found true love? I hope so.
Has he been rejected or judged? Probably so.
I wish it was possible to keep people from experiencing all the hardships of life. I picked this picture along with the two below to answer the question, "Who is so precious to you that you would fight to protect them from harm?"

I wish that we could protect innocence. I wish family was always close.

Hands of God

Grimy and calloused while still gentle and loving.

Being cradled in the palm of these hands would be the safest place to be.

Imagine the eyes that peer down on these hands. They gaze as if they are holding the most precious thing in the world.

How long did those hands labor to produce a crop? How many seasons did they have to endure? Creation in the hands of the creator.

Powerful and humble. Loving and harsh. Just and kind. No contradiction.