10.31.2007

a wise man's mother once said...

"Be who you is, cause if you be who you ain't than you ain't who you is."
The people-pleaser in me finds this to be quite difficult sometimes. But over the past year, I have learned to love who I am instead of trying to be someone that I'm not. And now when I feel the pressure to be someone that I'm not I am able to recognize the difference. I don't want to be someone I'm not because I like who I am. Good thing I do because God made me to be that way. I can rest assured that I'm doing something right.

10.18.2007

What I Cannot Change

Songs inspire me, motivate me and touch me. This particular one that has been on repeat in my car for days now and I can't seem to shake it. I'm sure by the time it hits the radio I'll be completely over it but right now it touches so many aspects of my life.

What I Cannot Change by LeAnn Rimes

I know what makes me comfortable
I know what makes me tick
And when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick
Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake
I face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakes
Oh the rest is out of my hands


I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

There are many things in life that I can't change - people, weather, circumstances, God - but I can learn to let go, forgive and love. Wish it was really as easy as it sounds.

10.16.2007

Lessons from The Kite Runner

How many times have you found yourself in a situation where you have an option - do what is right and put your reputation on the line or do what is wrong and regret the decision for the rest of your life? Amir is living an extremely guilty conscience due to a wrong decision and it continues to be a driving force behind every decision that he makes. Numberous times, he is given an opportunity to make things right yet the coward inside keeps him from taking those steps. But the most painful part is that the wrong decision Amir made was in failing to step in and help one of the most selfless friends he has ever known. Hassan was beyond loyal to Amir and in one of Hassans greatest times of need, Amir turned his back. The guilt that Amir felt completely severed his friendship with Hassan because he couldn't look Hassan in the eyes without being overcome with shame. Shame so great that Amir wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

Hassan is a beautiful portrayal of Jesus in this story. No matter how many times Amir tried to push him away because of his own sin, Hassan continued to love him and pursue a relationship with him. Hassan turned the other cheek and loved Amir despite all the times he was denied love in return. I wish I could say that I am more like Hassan when it comes to loving the people around me and less like Amir when confronting my own wrongdoings. But just like Hassan examplifies, the grace and mercy of Jesus is what I am given in return. And I am forever grateful and humbled.

(The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini - it's a must read. And it's also being made into a movie by Dreamworks which will release into theaters on Dec 19, 2007.)

10.11.2007

Leavin' on a jet plane

You won't believe this but I am so excited about spending a weekend in Wichita, KS! Some of you may think I'm crazy but two of my favorite people live there and right now, I'm dying to connect with them. It wasn't until a couple nights ago when I was headed home from a VERY long day at work that I realized how badly I wanted to roll down my windows, turn up the radio and sing at the top of my lungs with Aubrey right beside me laughing because I don't know all the words. I could really use some time curled up next to April talking about nothing and everything for hours on end. And I haven't been able to give in to my cravings for ice cream because for some reason, a Cold Stone Mudpie Mojo just doesn't taste the same here in Colorado. So tomorrow night, when I get on that plane, I'll pull out my ipod, turn on Feels Like Home, close my eyes and remember all the times that I have listened to this song with my two friends in the upstairs bedroom of a house in Manhattan, KS one very special day long ago.

I can't wait to hug them when I get off that plane!! I can't wait to laugh until my stomach hurts. Oh and on Saturday night, I'll be with them in front of a TV watching the K-State game. But more than anything, I can't wait to be with two friends that understand who I am without having to explain it. Being known - I love that feeling.

10.04.2007

Reflections on dying for Christ

I just read a chapter of Dangerous Faith that was talking about persecution and suffering in the first century church. Joel mentions that throughout history the church would grow tremendously when suffering took place. There have been many people who have been killed for their faith and instead of killing the message they were preaching, their deaths paved the way for others to come to know Christ.

On Sunday at church, my pastor talked about Philippians 1:21 where Paul says "To live is Christ, and to die is gain" which I have been meditating on for the last couple of months - trying to understand what this might look like in my life. That day it took on a new meaning to me. Even though the method of death may be painful, am I truly willing to live my life or lose my life for Him? I know that life in Christ is the only life worth living for, the only life that cannot be taken away and the only life that has eternal gain. But do I know that in my heart and not just my mind? Not always.

In addition to that, this next question posed a challenge that knocked me out of whatever apathetic state I have found myself in. Are you living in Christ? If not, then have you connected with the love of God lately? Because if you have been connecting with the love of God then you will naturally be drawn to making Him your life. That's what I want - to connect with the love of God. The last couple of weeks have been hard and I'm not sure if it's winter setting in or busyness distracting me from disciplines but either way, I've been coasting and I don't want to anymore. From past experience, connecting with the love of God will pull me out of that spell quickly.

So pray that for me and I'll be praying that for you. I'm praying that you will be able to feel His love today in a way that refreshes your spirit and draws you closer to Him.

10.02.2007

Grande Americano w/ Cream & 2 Sweet'n Low

My (occasional) morning pick-up. There are a couple variations that can take place with this drink. Sometimes I know I can't handle the extra caffeine so I'll just get "half caf" which is the (1/2) sign at the top. And depending on the Starbucks location, I will get it extra hot because one location doesn't make it hot enough. But no matter what the variation, the $2.36 it takes to get this drink is well worth it!